Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize