Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
