You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
