yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if only i could text you this smell
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
