Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
being pregnant is like rehab
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
