I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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