i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
