Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
