he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
