Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
