I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is wine microwaveable?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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