she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I came so hard my ears popped.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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