Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
