Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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