We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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