I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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