i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im holly from the hills drunk
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize