She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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