DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
