i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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