do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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