I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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