It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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