I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
