I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize