This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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