i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You brought string cheese to the strip club
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize