ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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