If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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