tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
