Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
