he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
