he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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