he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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