Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
