so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
