Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have aggressive nipples.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
