She is in my trunk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
