I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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