He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
