Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Someone came in the potted fern
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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