My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
