I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
