So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
