she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
