it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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