just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
