Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
