not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
