the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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