We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize