she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
