She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
