my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
