you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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