I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
