How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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