Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
