My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
