just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
