my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
