Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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