Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
